Freedom & Heartache

One week and 5 days from now, it will be my 7th month here in Davao City. Seven months of not having someone to scold me for coming home late at night, of fighting homesickness and depression and of dealing with different kinds of responsibilities not only in the office but also inside our company staffhouse.
Time passed by so fast, I never thought I would last this long. I used to think of leaving my job here so that I can go home and just find another company to work with. But it's easier said than done. It's too complicated and risky. I am a risk taker, I really know I am, that's why I'm here. But there are some things to weigh before just quitting my current position.
I just went home last month and it really cured my homesickness. Almost a week of mingling with friends and cousins and of course with my family. It felt good to be home but... yeah... BUT... hehehe... I'm no longer used to having someone to watch my every move and ask where in the world am i going again and with whom. I really have super protective aunts and uncles, add up my super paranoid mom and grandma. They still can't accept the fact that I'm way too old to be treated like a 16 year old girl. I love my mom and grandma so much. I know they're just concerned about me. Kasi naman, unica hija po ako. hehehehe :)
I am not like some of my friends who likes to party until early morning. I am not used to night outs. I seldom go out with friends to go bar hopping and videoke. I would just like to hang out at a friend's house and watch movies or just be bonded with them that sometimes we would forget that it's already way past bedtime and that I have to go through another long sermon the following day. wehehehe :)
Life is different here now. I may have the freedom to party all night and stay up late in some one else's house until the wee hours of the morning, but, I already had lots of them back home. And got less friends here compared at home. I just had one sleep over at a friend's house, my former high school batchmate Ella, when another highschool batchmate came to visit Davao for some audit work. It feels great to be free. But along with this so-called freedom, comes a big responsibility.
I am responsible for myself now. That's why I should be extra careful so as not to worry my family at home. I have to be wiser in decision making and I should know how to control my expenses. And not only that, I should take good care of my work.
Going home means sacrificing my freedom... hehehe :) and I'm not yet ready for it. For now, I just have to do my work, give my best shot in every task designated to me by our big boss. I know it will be paid off, maybe not now, but someday. Patience ;)
I've been through a lot for the past six months. Everyday I'm learning. Everyday I'm trying to cope with changes. Everyday I'm dealing with unique situations. And everyday, since last, last week, I'm still dealing with my heartache. This has to end, but it can't be forced :(
Someday, someone's gonna love me The way, i wanted you to need me Someday, someone's gonna take your place One day I'll forget about you You'll see, i won't even miss you Someday, someday
haaaay what a day....

Charge to experience...

I feel a lot better now. But there would be times when I’m all alone in my room (especially during night time) and I really can’t help but contemplate on what happened last week. I really don’t consider it as a major heartbreak but still, I feel devastated. I’m always being fooled. Haha! I am indeed vulnerable. It has been proven and tested so many times in my 23 years of existence. I am not that hard to convince. I easily give my trust to persons I just met or knew. It’s my number one sickness. Tsk tsk tsk…
I’ve spent more than I should have last week L Kawawa ang savings ko… Buying stuffs and eating has been my diversion from depression. It’s either spending on food, stuff and going on salons or locking myself in a room and just let my tears wash away all the aches and frustrations that I’ve felt.
Love nga naman. Hahaha =)A four letter word that could either make or break our being. Love is not love if there’s no pain, that’s what they say. But if someone loves you, he/she would never do things that could hurt you. On the contrary, we are human and we are all susceptible to temptations. But (again, hehehe) according to Greg Behrendt, one of the authors of He’s Just Not That Into You (yeah you’re right, I’ve purchased a copy of his book just to make myself feel better), there are no excuses for cheating. Cheating is cheating. Cheating is hard only on the first try. It will make us feel guilty. But after that first attempt, it would be easier to cheat again. And someone who is into you will never do things that will make you feel bad, like cheating and lying.
Charge to experience. I keep on repeating this lines everytime I feel bad about what happened. Nagpakatanga na naman ako sa ngalan ng pag-ibig. I’m glad that I was able to handle the situation compared to my previous heartbreaks. I can say I’ve learned from the best teacher ever, syempre, EXPERIENCE. That’s why, CHARGE TO EXPERIENCE na lng lahat. Atleast, I became a part of his life. A very SIGNIFICANT part of his life. Still, I love him despite of his dishonesty. Despite of his imperfections. But I know that he will never be mine and this is one of the realities that are so damn hard to accept. He will never be mine. Someone else owns him. And I hope someday, he’ll find happiness in the arms of that person. And that he will never repeat whatever deceitfulness he has done to me to that person who truly loves him.
Thank you for making me stronger (you know who you are). J I know everything happens for a reason. I’ve learned so much from you. Thank you for accepting your fault. Time will heal the pain. The pain will make me stronger and wiser, not in only in love but in all aspect of my life.
Wohooo.. so sentimental! Hopeless romantic me… hehehehe =)
Before I end this mushy post of mine, I would like to share another line from Greg Behrendt’s He’s Just Not That Into You.
LOVE CURES COMMITMENT-PHOBIA.

Not that into me...

Yeah! He's just not that into me... I really believe that love cures commitment-phobia... He's just not that into me... woohoooÜ

I will be ok, I know I will...

IT'S JUST ANOTHER TYPICAL HEARTBREAK...

I'll get over it... maybe not now, but eventually, I'lL GET OVER IT!

I'll be happy with or without him...

Because BEING HAPPY IS A PERSONAL CHOICE...Ü

It still hurts like hell..

TORTURE...

But I've learned a lot from this heart-wrenching experience...

I'm still blessed... I know I am loved by God...

I just have to learn the hard way...

Samal Adventure

As a post birthday celebration, me and my officemates decided to spend the weekend at the Island Garden City of Samal. We opted for a 3rd class resort since we're kind of broke (hehehe..) but still we enjoyed the beauty of the place. We had fun playing under the sun, my co workers enjoyed the videoke and of course, the drinks! While I, on the other hand, took the time to stroll the place and look for starfishes! hehehe c",)
I've uploaded some of the pictures taken during the outing. It was really fun and memorable. And I'm hoping to go back there some other time with Ella. c",)

a day with the kids...

Last Sunday, I was given the opportunity to share my blessings with the children of San Pedro Drop In Center for Street Children. A few of my close friends sent me some moolah for me to celebrate my 23rd year of existence in this planet with the homeless kids of Davao City ;) Here are some pics taken during the event (pardon me please for the resolution, the pictures were taken only through my mobile phone).

It was an advance birthday celebration due to the fact that Sunday is only my longest day for relaxation. My birthday unfortunately falls on a weekday that is why I celebrated it ahead of time. Anyways, my co workers and I are planning to spend next Sunday at Samal Island.
After the simple birthday celebration with the kids of San Pedro Drop In Center, I was able to realize a lot of things which led me to a couple of teardrops while on the way home from the Center. I realized how lucky I am for having such a wonderful family. My family may not be considered a perfect one for it was broken more than two decades ago but still my mother and my grandmother strived to provide me all the things that I need to live. They even went beyond what is needed. They spoiled me that's why I've grown to be a spoiled brat! Haha! What Jireh wants, Jireh gets.... but that was years before... I'm no longer a spoiled brat... Sometimes... maybe... but not all the time c",) hehehehe...
For the first time in my almost 3 months stay here in Davao City, I felt homesick that I cried myself to sleep. I didn't expect to celebrate my birthday far away from my mom and lola, from my barkada and close friends... :'( It was then that I realized how much I miss my mom and my lola. That I really can't afford to lose the two most important persons in my life. Oh my God... I'm becoming sentimental again... haha... I just can't stop thanking and praising God for giving me a lot of chances and for the overflowing blessings. He gave me a lot of generous friends who continues to spoil me. He gave me a lot of caring and loving brothers and sisters in the form of my church friends who continues to communicate with me despite the distance and busy school life. He also provided me with a stable and fulfilling work. I just don't know how to thank Him for all of these. And I do hope that I was able to make Him happy last Sunday. c",)
List of persons to thank (my sponsors for my outreach activity...hehehe...)
Joseph
Poochie
Queenie
Tanisha & Mike
Thanks so much guyz! You've painted a smile on the kids face even just for an hour. =) God bless you all! Luv yah!