Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Freedom & Heartache

One week and 5 days from now, it will be my 7th month here in Davao City. Seven months of not having someone to scold me for coming home late at night, of fighting homesickness and depression and of dealing with different kinds of responsibilities not only in the office but also inside our company staffhouse.
Time passed by so fast, I never thought I would last this long. I used to think of leaving my job here so that I can go home and just find another company to work with. But it's easier said than done. It's too complicated and risky. I am a risk taker, I really know I am, that's why I'm here. But there are some things to weigh before just quitting my current position.
I just went home last month and it really cured my homesickness. Almost a week of mingling with friends and cousins and of course with my family. It felt good to be home but... yeah... BUT... hehehe... I'm no longer used to having someone to watch my every move and ask where in the world am i going again and with whom. I really have super protective aunts and uncles, add up my super paranoid mom and grandma. They still can't accept the fact that I'm way too old to be treated like a 16 year old girl. I love my mom and grandma so much. I know they're just concerned about me. Kasi naman, unica hija po ako. hehehehe :)
I am not like some of my friends who likes to party until early morning. I am not used to night outs. I seldom go out with friends to go bar hopping and videoke. I would just like to hang out at a friend's house and watch movies or just be bonded with them that sometimes we would forget that it's already way past bedtime and that I have to go through another long sermon the following day. wehehehe :)
Life is different here now. I may have the freedom to party all night and stay up late in some one else's house until the wee hours of the morning, but, I already had lots of them back home. And got less friends here compared at home. I just had one sleep over at a friend's house, my former high school batchmate Ella, when another highschool batchmate came to visit Davao for some audit work. It feels great to be free. But along with this so-called freedom, comes a big responsibility.
I am responsible for myself now. That's why I should be extra careful so as not to worry my family at home. I have to be wiser in decision making and I should know how to control my expenses. And not only that, I should take good care of my work.
Going home means sacrificing my freedom... hehehe :) and I'm not yet ready for it. For now, I just have to do my work, give my best shot in every task designated to me by our big boss. I know it will be paid off, maybe not now, but someday. Patience ;)
I've been through a lot for the past six months. Everyday I'm learning. Everyday I'm trying to cope with changes. Everyday I'm dealing with unique situations. And everyday, since last, last week, I'm still dealing with my heartache. This has to end, but it can't be forced :(
Someday, someone's gonna love me The way, i wanted you to need me Someday, someone's gonna take your place One day I'll forget about you You'll see, i won't even miss you Someday, someday
haaaay what a day....

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